A fresh start with so many guilty feelings

This week has been a really amazing week for my little family. We just found out that Joel received a distributorship that he's been in the process of interviewing for, he REALLY wanted it and I couldn't be prouder of him for earning it! This new adventure is just what he needed right now, a fresh start at work and a group of people around him that are positive and supportive. It's a very exciting time for us and him!!

Our weekend was topped off with a great time celebrating the 4th of July. Independence Day is very special holiday, it's my Grandfather's favorite holiday! We had a simple family BBQ, the kids alternated between playing in the pool and playing baseball and we enjoyed each others company. I cannot express how thankful I am to have this very precious time with my family and my Grandfather. I am blessed and am constantly mindful to never take a single day for granted.



With this excitement of a new adventure on the horizon and the enjoyment of simple pleasures comes this horrible guilt. I feel remorse every time I find myself enjoying something or getting excited about something. In the midst of joy or elation comes this brick wall of the other reality, my brother isn't here to experience the joy or share in the fun. I know my brother wouldn't want me to keep dwelling like this but I can't help it. How can I enjoy that yummy, melted s'more by the campfire when my brother probably won't enjoy a simple indulgence for years and years. This makes me so sad.......I cannot express how deeply I feel a void. Next week my family and I will have some finality, like it or not, accept it or not, all the facts or not on the 12th it will be.
I find myself praying desperately for so many different things....
Please God let the judge be lenient on my brother. Let him keep in mind that there are multiple victims in the situation, a situation where we do not have all the facts and do not know the full extent of the circumstances. I believe with all my heart my brother is a good man, not the villain that he has been painted to be.
Please God give the judge a divine wisdom. Wisdom to see through the crap that people say without any basis, wisdom to look for the man Robby truly is. Let him know the Robby that I know, the Robby I grew up loving for the past 27 years. The man that is generous, loving, giving and a peacekeeper.
Please God let him consider this 7 year old little boy, who will silently suffer along with the rest of us while his father remains absent from daily life.
Please God restore my faith in people. My very soul is rocked by the things people say and do, with unfounded reason or truths. How can individuals be so violent, so angry and so spiteful.